We’re gonna take a break from Spring Cleaning to talk about LOVE today. I recently came across a fantastic article about love that I felt compelled to share. Especially for my single guys and gals out there. 😉
In When “He’s Not My Type” Ends Up Being “the One”, Leslie Bennetts admits that she initially thought her husband of 24 years was not her type. She had always been attracted to powerful older men and Jeremy was a peer, three years her junior.
When I met Jeremy, we were at the same stage in life. So why didn’t I recognize him as a kindred spirit? The fact that he didn’t match up with my mental checklist of things I was looking for only goes to show you how absurd such a checklist is in the first place.
They were colleagues who developed a friendship, working together on the same assignments, and she scoffed when her friends inquired about their growing relationship. But over time she began to realize that the very man she thought to be completely against her type was, indeed, the one.
Through this article she encourages and inspires her single readers to broaden their perspectives. And consider those who they may not feel an instant spark.
When I talk to younger friends, they often tell me about men they’ve rejected after one date. “He’s not my type,” they insist. “There was no chemistry.” If I urge them to keep an open mind, they snort derisively and assure me that they know what they’re talking about… The first night I spent with Jeremy showed me that I knew approximately as much about discerning chemistry as I do about nuclear physics— and I feel sad for what they might be missing.
Maybe what it is we THINK we want, isn’t always the best thing for us. Kind of like the saying goes — Life doesn’t always give you what you want but what you need.
Sometimes what life has in store for us is far greater than anything we could ever envision ourselves. But unless we open ourselves up to that possibility, it may very well pass us by.
So what’s your experience been? Are you struggling out in the dating world? Do you think it might be time to let go of your specific type and open yourself up to new possibilities? For the married folk out there, did you know right away your spouse was the one?
Ingrid Schaffenburg's Blog 
“Life doesn’t always give you what you want but what you need.”
I found this to be true in my own life. I had the guy I thought I wanted and he treated me horribly – but we had great ‘chemistry.’
uh huh. Been there done that 😉 Chemistry is a tricky thing. We can’t always trust our feelings, that’s for sure.
I have no idea how many times I have passed along the exact same advice to friends!! When I met hubby, I totally wrote him off as not my type. I was not dating. His marriage had just broke up. He had a kid. And he just did not seem my “type”! We started hanging out, emailing and the friendship just blossomed and before I knew it, I was wondering what kind of a kisser he was. Even once we got together, I still thought it would end up being a fling…and it turned out to be the real deal! I would have never thought it and am so happy I was totally open to the experience…and that I didn’t just discount him.
I’ve had friends tell me they wouldn’t go on a second date with someone because they didn’t instantly want to jump the guy’s bones, weren’t attracted to him, or didn’t like how he dressed. Sad because if a guy turned any of them down for those reasons, they’d be appalled at his shallowness. It’s about being open and seeing where a connection takes you. If after 3 to 5 dates, the friendship isn’t picking up steam…then ok! But I think women definitely need to be more open. To trying to develop a FRIENDSHIP first…instead of hoping into bed with someone on date 1 or 2 or asking yourself if you’d marry the guy, see dating as growing your circle of friends. If after 5 dates said guy isn’t fitting into the circle, he won’t cut it as a boyfriend either…but if your friendship starts really taking off, it’s likely the potential for more will grow with it and be something of substance!
Just sayin’!
Ok – what is it with your blog posts and my tendency towards LONG comments! LOL!!
GREAT post!
Totally love your blog and send ALL my gal pals here!!!
Thank you Natalie!! You are AWESOME! It’s funny because I was actually citing your last comment on A Watched Pot Never Boils on this post because it rocked my world but then I realized it warranted it’s own blog. So next week I’m using YOU as my example and citing Bringing Out the Best in YOU. I just LOVED that post and think everyone needs to read it. It’s the perfect answer to finding “the one.” 🙂 Love ya girl!
Our chemistry was so so so strong from the first night. I would have married him that next day. My mom even let me head off on a motorcycle in a crop top and helmet of course that night no worries. (Never done that before, and can you imagine if Nanny had had a say in the matter!) Lets just say it ended like the motorcycle scene in Top Gun. Cue the “Take my Breath Away” song now.
If someone had told either him or I in high school that we would be together and have 2 kids, a mini farm, and a business together later in life I would have slapped them silly, then slapped myself. He was not my type, and was way too good for me, or so I thought. I had never had a boyfriend that nice, or that nice looking before.
As you know, we bought the mini farm, started the business, and stuck it out for 8 loooong years before getting married because that was the way it needed to be and have been together for 17 years. (holy crap just realized typing this that that is a high school senior.)
With Chemistry comes Passion. Some days it’s incredible, and some days it’s not. But we both know we were meant to be together forever for better of for worse, and wouldn’t have it any other way.
Thanks for taking me back down memory lane this am. Needed it! XOXO
Yay!! I love y’alls love story. And love that you’ve stuck it out when so many of us didn’t. That is true love and a real reason to celebrate every day. Love you!! XOXO
Life doesn’t always give you what you want but what you need–so, so true!
I met my husband at a frat party and it was not an instant love connection for me. We hung out as friends for a couple of months before something just clicked–and then I was a goner. 🙂 So strange to go from thinking of him as a buddy to getting actually weak in the knees around him!
Awww! I love that! Friendship first is vital, in my opinion, but in this fast-paced world so many people don’t take the time. Thanks for sharing your story and emphasizing that love can indeed come from unexpected places 🙂
I think we don’t always know what our type truly is until we find the right person for us. I definitely thought I knew my type, and continually crashed and burned because of it. Looking back in hindsight, I now wonder how I could have been so naive thinking those guys were at all what I wanted. It wasn’t really until I met my husband and saw all the ways we made a good match that I could see why what I thought was “my type” actually wasn’t.
I know right!? You look back and think: What was I thinking?? But I guess we have to crash and burn a couple times in order to appreciate “the one” when he comes into our life. Thanks for sharing 🙂
Ingrid, what an inspiring post. Sometimes we don’t know that our true soul mate is standing right before us as we keep looking for someone else. My husband and I were friends before we were attracted to one another. And then something just clicked between us. Neither of us planned it. We were babies. But somehow we knew. And that was a long, long time ago. So yes, be open minded. Don’t focus on what you think you want because most of the time we really don’t know what that is. LOL! And time after time that person is standing right before us! 🙂
Amen to that! When I think I know what I want, something better usually presents itself. Congrats on finding your mate when you were a baby. Lucky you 😉
I think you are right about not getting caught up in what our “type” is. We shouldn’t define what we want in a man based on things that aren’t really about him, like job or age or how much money he makes. But, I think that we should know what our values are and not settle for someone whose values don’t mesh with ours. Too many women put the kind of men they date in a certain box. That can cause us to miss out on great guys. But I do not agree with “giving a guy a chance” when you know it’s not right. We have intuition that we too often ignore. Most of us know right away whether or not we click with someone. But we ignore what we already know deep down because we want to be in a relationship. Every time I have ignored my gut, it just made it more difficult to end the relationship once I was willing to face the truth. Natalie has the right idea. We should just focus on friendship. If we are not so worried about finding a man we will be able to listen to that feeling we get that tells us if that guy we are talking to is someone we actually like, or just some guy who could buy us dinner. We really do know the answer if we take the time to pay attention and trust ourselves.
So true Emma. And I also don’t believe in just giving a guy a chance. We definitely have to listen to our intuition. We don’t have time to waste in this precious life of ours 🙂
Interesting points, Ingrid. Bennetts is right, too. Nothing wrong with knowing what you like or dislike (such as ideals or anti-smoking) but preconceived notions quite often seem to limit our possibilities and life experiences. If we stick to ideas or a plan without allowing for flexibility we usually wind up disappointed.
Does it really matter if someone is tall or short, older or younger, blonde, brunette, no hair or green hair…well, ok, green hair might be a bit much! A picture frame is nice but the portrait is much more important and friendship is definitely key. Afterall, what will you talk about when your hair turns blue??
There’s a great line by the band Supertramp: “See the man with the lonely eyes, take his hand you’ll be surprised.” Life is full of wonderful surprises!
Absolutely! That’s what I LOVE about life. Love that you mentioned a portrait rather than just looking at the frame. That’s a beautiful way to articulate it.
Glad you loved that metaphor! Speaking of portraits, you certainly do select interesting pictures.
I, too, thought I had great “chemistry” with my ex, but he turned out to be a nightmare. I’ve had a lot of “almosts” over the years, but the fear in me kept me from stepping out. Plus the guy would just not step up to the plate, to me, and admit he had feelings (they did so to other people though), so nothing ever came of it. I’m not looking for a checklist. I’m just looking for someone willing to share my life and whose life I want to share. Plus someone who plays no games. I want someone with a good heart as I have two children whose father abused them as well. God works in mysterious ways though, and one day will come.
Indeed it will. Keep focusing on what you do want and just put it out there girl. I believe you’ll find him 🙂
Thanks, Ingrid!!
Truly beautiful pictures you post on your blog! Enjoying it.
Thank you 🙂
I knew early on the my husband was the one—in a very different way than I’d hoped/believed/convinced myself in the past. There was this natural peace about it, and giddiness, but no urgency. The cliche held true for me; I stopped looking and worked on myself then vwah-la! He showed up. 🙂
Nice 🙂 That’s how all my past relationships started too. I wasn’t even looking. So nice to hear about how you met your hubby. I love that you felt a peace 🙂
Hi Ingrid
I don’t think I had a preconceived notion about the “right one” when I was dating. I suppose I would say that any hint of serial killer was out (although my (now) wife did drive around for several months with an axe in the trunk of her car). Human beings and society are too complex for us to have a set idea of what is right or best, and without getting all hippy-free-love, we only have one life and its best to be positive and make the most of what life gives you.
Cheers!