Live This Year As Though It’s Your Last

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Over the past month or so, I’ve done a lot of thinking about the trajectory of my life. This tends to happen each year as my birthday approaches. I naturally do a sort of “year-end-review” and this year I was deeply motivated to make a real shift in my life.

I’ve often heard from others that you reach a certain point in life where your truth can no longer be denied. I recently told a friend that I seem to have come to a place where I have zero tolerance for bullsh**, pardon my French. ;)

We spend so much of our early years trying to please others and fit in, be it conscious or unconscious. I think everyone does this to some extent. It’s a survival tactic. Deviate too much from the pack and you’ll be rejected. And in the wild, this can mean the difference between life and death. So it’s simply primal. And completely normal for us to want to fit in.

Parker Palmer talks about this in A Hidden Wholeness, as do countless other writers and philosophers. But there comes a time in life when certain things just no longer work. You realize what you can and can’t tolerate and staying true to your inner integrity becomes more important than pleasing the outside world.

Not that this means we become cold, heartless individuals only after our own agenda. Quite the opposite. Being true to who we are at the core and sharing that with those around us only makes us that much more accessible and respected by others because we’re all wired to respond to truth.

Others may not agree with us but they don’t have to. That’s the beauty of it. We can agree to disagree but still maintain a respect for the other.

I think this naturally comes with age. As we get older we start to realize our time here is finite and that we need not concern ourselves with things that don’t matter.

As for me, I’ve set the intention beginning today, to live this year as though it were my last. An old acting friend of mine made this proclamation last fall and I’ve witnessed as her life has blossomed over the last year so it’s inspired me to do the same.

What does this mean?

This mainly means finding enjoyment in my everyday life with the people I’m with and the things I do. It means branching out and taking risks on projects that have been calling to me for quite some time. And not holding back but really going for whatever calls to me. Making pleasure and enjoyment the main priority.

And overall, just living life to the fullest!

You see, for years I’ve supported my art doing jobs I came to loathe.

Yes. I know. It’s a strong word but it’s true. And having reached this level in my life where I can’t do anything I don’t enjoy anymore , I made the bold move this month to quit my job and solely do what brings me joy. Or at the very least, is enjoyable on some level.

I know even the best jobs aren’t always enjoyable but it’s about setting the intention that matters.

I believe it was Steve Jobs that said he asked himself every morning upon waking, “If this were my last day on earth, would I be doing what I’m about to do today?” If he answered “no” too many days in a row, he knew he had to make a change.

Simple yet brilliant advice. And advice I plan on taking to heart every day over the course of the next year.

So how bout you? What would you do if you knew this was your last year on earth? What changes would you make right away? Who would you choose to spend your time with? What would your daily life look like? What legacy would you want to leave behind?

Play with it. Envision it. Have fun with the idea of it. Perhaps it’ll inspire you in some way. :)

 

Fear and the Ultralight Surprise

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Last week I was in Florida at my family’s annual Fourth of July trip. Every year we rent a house on the beach where around 17 of us gather for some R & R. Typical daily activities include eating, sunbathing, drinking adult beverages and eating some more. Some of us venture out and kayak or scuba dive but for the most part, we park it on the beach and just hang.

It’s so lovely, though more difficult than it sounds when you’re used to being busy all the time. It can actually be hard to do nothing. It’s not until I board my plane each summer and literally feel my muscles start to melt into my seat that I realize how much I need that time away. How very important it is to vacate your life or at least take a break for a bit.

So mid-week came and our itinerary was unchanged from previous years. Wake up, eat a leisurely breakfast, then slowly make our way out to the shore. But on Wednesday afternoon, my cousin Jourdan came into the house and rather urgently requested we get down to the beach right away.

“Make sure you’re down there in 2 minutes!”

Hm. That’s funny, I thought. There’s never a rush to do anything around here. 

Exactly two minutes later, we hear this buzzing noise coming toward us and there appeared this itty bitty flying machine. Looked like part jet ski, part hand glider. Someone scrambled for the binoculars and all of us stood mouths open wide.

“No way!”

There was Ashton, one of my cousins, seated in that crazy looking flying mobile.

Shouts of excited came over everyone as we found out that there were 7 of us going up. My Uncle Mark turned to me and said, “Ingrid. There’s room for you to get on there too!”

Oy. Have I mentioned lately about my fear of heights? It’s not horrible but I certainly choose to stay away from activities that involve venturing higher than a one story building. But I thought, if given the chance, I’ll do it. If my 10-year-old cousin can do it, so can I!

And I did.

IngridFlyBoatCan’t say I wasn’t freaking out almost the entire time I was up there but once I was back on solid ground, I can say I’m SO glad I did it.

Especially as we get older, we develop all these fears and almost ALL of them are irrational! Though I must say, when the pilot initially sensed my trepidation, he did commend me.

“If you’re scared that means you’re intelligent. It’s the ones that get on here and have no fear whatsoever that have no wits about them. If you’re smart, you’ll be a bit scared.”

Not that that eased my fears much but I will say I learned how important it is to challenge ourselves. Especially in terms of fear. Because when we do things that scare us and live through it, we soon start to realize there’s no real reason to fear. And that doing things that scare us can actually be quite fun!

I’m just grateful I have a family that gets me out of my box. Can only imagine what they have in store for next year. :D

So how bout you? Is there anything in life that you’d love to do but are too scared? Have you ever done something you were afraid of? How’d it turn out? What’s one thing you could do TODAY to overcome an irrational fear?

Click here for more info on The Flying Boat in Pensacola, FL

To Respond Or Not To Respond

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Over the weekend, my boyfriend and I were walking our dogs down to the local taco shop to grab some breakfast. We live in a very urban area so lots of comings and goings. Restaurants, clubs, lofts. At one point, a man walked by us with a rolling trash can, making that awful grating noise, and our dog Cody started growling.

This didn’t faze me one bit since Cody is a very vocal dog and will sometimes growl at random things. He’s a rescue dog. We give him grace. But this time, Greg pointed out why he was reacting this way.

Apparently back at his old condo, one of the maintenance men was walking by them and messed with Cody by jabbing one of those long trash picker-upper tongs at him. Even though the man was playing, Cody viewed it as an attack and started barking. Because of the fact the man was dragging a rolling trash can along the pavement, Cody now associates a trash can with fear and feels the need to protect his pack.

We laugh and can all see this as illogical. But how many times since infancy have we made these associations ourselves? We have an experience that changes our perception of the world and we start reacting to the world from that perception. That belief. Which is great when we’re young because that’s how we learn to cope.

Some associations are good. You put your hand on a hot burner and learn never to do that again. You pet the strange dog which then sends you to the ER for 5 stitches in your lip, you learn to be wary of strange animals.

When it becomes an issue is when the stories you’ve told yourself no longer serve you and actually prevent you from forward progress in your life. Perhaps you notice a repetitive behavior pattern in your relationships. That no matter who you’re with, it always ends this way. Or perhaps it’s with money or your career. Perhaps anytime you’re up for a promotion, you somehow manage to sabotage it.

Psychologists call this a Pavlovian response. It’s a way in which we’ve been conditioned to respond to our environment and are often unaware of the stimulus and its effects. It’s so much a part of us and our behavior that its become the norm. We just automatically react in a certain way.

Cody, the fierce sled dog

Cody, the fierce sled dog

Recently I took an entrepreneurial workshop in LA that dealt partly with this notion and how to dissolve those responses that don’t act in our favor. Because if you’re setting out to create a business and wish to be successful, you’d better know where your blind spots are. If you’re interested in more information about this workshop, message me and I’d be happy to talk with you about it. It’s fascinating work.

Many of us have these self-imposed barriers we’re trying to knock down in our lives in order to get what we want, right? Whether it’s a promotion, a better job, a healthier relationship, more money. I imagine we all have some aspect of our lives we’d like to improve so as your friend, I’d like to encourage you to explore this for yourself. Because the fact is, we’re all governed by our inherent responses to things until we become aware of them. And even then, it’s difficult to unwind the tie because many of them are years if not decades deep. Awareness, though, is the first step.

So how bout you? Can you recognize any rolling trash cans in your life? Reactions to things that are illogical upon reflection? What area of your life would you like to improve? Any methods, books, or workshops you found useful that you’d like to share with the community? Do share. :)

 

Our Greatest Obstacle to a Great Career

“Wasted talent is a waste I cannot stand.”
- Larry Smith

In this poignant and energetic TED Talk, Larry Smith argues that good careers no longer exist. And that our choices boil down to having a great career or having a dismal career. With nothing left in between.

Having read enough of Seth Godin and having witnessed the job trends through the years, I tend to agree. If we want a great career, it’s no longer enough for us to just show up and prove our “competence,” as Smith says. This may have worked 50 years ago but no more. It’s essential that we tap into our greatest passion if we expect to have our greatest career experience.

He goes through all the reasons we give ourselves to not pursue our dreams and passions. All the reasons we will fail to have a great career. Gotta say… I’ve used almost every one of them. And of all the excuses we give ourselves, it all boils down to one common denominator-  fear. We will fail to have a great career unless we can somehow overcome our fears.

His biggest message: hone in on our passion. And learn to differentiate between our passion and our interests. Focusing on all our interests can confuse us and dilute our energy when we’re trying to choose a career path. Rather than dwelling on ALL our interests, focus on the one thing that fires us up. Our true passion.

We’re all inventors of our own lives. What kind of inventor are you? Are you an inventor of solutions or an inventor of excuses? How important is it to you that you have a great career? When WILL it be time to pursue your passion?

 

Make the Impossible Possible

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Recently, my boyfriend and I attended the wedding of some dear friends of ours in New York. And with less than 48 hours to gallivant around one of my favorite cities in the world, we seriously pushed the limits. Squeezing in as much as we possibly could up until the very last minute.

Literally.

About an hour and a half before our flight home, friends politely nudged us out the door. Eyes wide saying, “What time did you say your flight was? You better get going!”

Not wanting to leave, we had been stalling. Or rather, I had been stalling. You see, I have a love affair with New York that goes way back. But alas, we finally jumped into a cab and off we went.

After an hour of sitting in traffic, Greg said, “No way are we going to make it.” To which I said, “Of course we will.” “No, you don’t understand. Our plane takes off in 19 minutes and we’re 16 miles away. I’m gonna start looking for rooms in Hoboken. The next flight we can take is at 6am.”

Perhaps it was the thought of not staying in Manhattan that night if we missed our flight, or perhaps it was the idea of having to wake at 4 o’clock in the morning to catch the next available flight after NOT having stayed in Manhattan, that sent me into a blaze of faith.

“Don’t worry. We’ll make it!”

He continued to search online for hotels, shaking his head in disbelief, but I was adamant. And politely reminded our driver we were going to miss our flight if he didn’t press the pedal to the metal.

Pulling up to Newark Airport with 10 minutes to spare, I ran to the American Airlines counter to alert them we were on the premises and to please hold the plane. The attendant, unfazed by my frenzy, simply pointed the way toward the security line.

Clearly she was going to be no help at all.

So I ran directly to the TSA agent at the front of security and asked him if we could pass through right away since our flight was about to take off.

“Yeah,” he said with his Jersey accent. “So long as no one else minds. Does anyone mind if these two cut to the front so they don’t miss their flight?”

Luckily no one argued.

I glanced at my phone- 5:17pm. Plane takes off in 8 minutes. I still had hope.

After scrambling through the x-ray machines, I ran the last leg of our race solo as Greg gathered up our luggage. Approaching gate A15, I saw the door slowly closing to our flight.

So close!

I darted up to the podium.

“We’re on that flight! Is there any way you can let us on?”

“No ma’am. They already closed the door. Are you Ingrid Schaffenburg?” said the ticket girl with no concern whatsoever on her face.

“Yes. But they JUST closed it! I just saw them! Is there anyway?”

“No. I’m sorry. But I can book you on the next available flight.”

Not giving up, I paused and again asked very calmly, “Please. Is there anyway you can get us on that flight?”

Then the girl standing next to her said, “Wait, I think they’re coming back up to open the door.”

Apparently somebody cared.

“But is Greg with you?”

“Yeah, he’s right there!” as I pointed to a random crowd of travelers. Not a Greg in sight.

“He has to be here…”

“He is… he’s right… there!”

And as fate would have it, we boarded our plane at exactly 5:25pm.

Greg was stumped for quite a while afterward.

“They don’t reopen the door for ANYONE! I think it’s TSA policy that once that door is closed, it’s closed. How in the world did that just happen?!”

“Belief baby. I just believed.”

Greg is now seriously considering employing me somehow in his new business after witnessing this feat that I managed to pull off.

To him, myself, and to all of us… all I gotta say is this:

If you want something bad enough, you can make it happen. You can MAKE the impossible, POSSIBLE just by believing you can. And even if a door closes in your face, the possibility still remains that it will open again.

So what “impossible” feat would you like to make a reality TODAY? What dream would you accomplish if you knew you could not fail? How much do you really believe in your ability to succeed? Is there an example in your life where sheer belief led to making the impossible possible? Would love to hear your stories so do share!

Let the Good Times Roll

Happy Fat Tuesday! Laissez les bons temps rouler! Let the debauchery begin.

I originally posted this blog 2 years ago and had such fun writing it, I thought I’d share it again!

I LOVE Mardi Gras. My mom grew up in New Orleans and my grandparents lived there all throughout my childhood so I had the wonderful opportunity to spend my spring breaks in N’awlins every year.

For those who may not know, the Mardi Gras season in New Orleans lasts several weeks. There are balls, parades, and parties but all the festivities culminate on Fat Tuesday. It’s the last big blowout before Ash Wednesday and the beginning of Lent. The entire city of New Orleans shuts down and everyone ventures out into the streets, dressed in costume with drink in hand, for one big party.

When I was four I attended my first Mardi Gras parade. Sitting atop my grandpa’s shoulders, arms outstretched and collecting a bucket load of beads, I thought this was the coolest thing ever. Topless women aren’t the only ones racking up beads on Bourbon Street. The paraders have a soft spot in their hearts for kids too ;)

So when I recently reflected on these precious memories, it dawned on me:

Mardi Gras is analogous to monogamous relationships.

How, you say?

Party Time

In the beginning of any new relationship, everything is AWESOME! There’s lots of shiny! You’re engulfed with passion, hanging on to each word they say, every atom in your body feels 100 times its normal size.

You feel like you’re drunk. You can’t think straight. Every moment without them, even taking out the garbage and cleaning the litter box, is a welcome activity because it brings you closer to the hour when you’ll see them next.

You’re seeing life through rose-colored glasses. It’s the honeymoon period. It’s the stage that inspires sonnets, song, and art of all kinds. Even The Seven Wonders of the World like the Taj Mahal. Feelings are high. We’re invincible. It’s like one big party.

Then reality sets in…

The Lenten Season

This is when we realize that, if we want to be in this commitment for the long-haul, there’s going to be sacrifice involved. Compromising schedules, desires, and holidays. In the case of marriage, avoiding temptation and committing to one bed-mate and tube of toothpaste till death do you part. Consulting your other half before major decisions and realizing, you’re not always going to get your way.

In short, it’s not just about you anymore.

This isn’t the funnest part necessarily, but it’s still vitally important. The issues that get worked out here are the meat and potatoes of any relationship. This is the make-or-break-it stage which sets the foundation of union or tears it apart.

But successful navigation through the Party Time and Lenten Season leads to…

A New Life

Babies, bunnies, and eggs galore!

Ever wonder why bunnies abound at Easter time? Well, what are rabbits so good at? Propagating new rabbits. I mean, life.

Yes, babies are often the result of married couples or other committed unions but new life is more than just the literal flesh and blood. Once we make the commitment, whether it be a heart or legal agreement, a new life has begun. And as research shows, a far better one than staying single.

Happy couples benefit from lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol, longer life expectancy, and the comfort and joy of life-time companionship, to name a few.

Click here to read more about the benefits of love and relationships.

Finding the Balance

This is key. Some relationships explode because it’s all party and no substance. Others slowly fizzle out because of the lack of fun and spontaneity. In order to continually reap the rewards of marriage and other committed unions, we must find the balance between work and play. Sacrifice and spontaneity. To keep the love alive.

Each couple has their own unique balance. Some may place more emphasis on play than others.

There is no right or wrong, only that the balance is agreed upon by both parties. This agreement helps create harmony within the relationship which is always a good thing.

So how about you? Have you been guilty of too much Mardi Gras and not enough Lent in your relationship? Or do you need to learn how to lighten up a little and earn some beads? Surely someone out there has mastered the balance. Care to share your tips on a happy union?

To learn more about Mardi Gras, like why they throw beads or bake babies in king cakes, click here.

Photos courtesy of dreamsunlimitedtravel.com & cajunchefryan.rymocs.com

The True Beauty of a Woman

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The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart,
the place where love resides. The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole,
but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.

 - Sam Levenson, excerpt from “The Beauty of a Woman”

Beauty consumes a lot of time and energy for most modern-day women. Whether it be shopping for makeup, trying to lose weight, primping before a hot date, fretting over a pimple that shows up the morning of an important meeting, researching and finding the skin care system that’s actually going to work, spending a fortune on anti-aging cremes and visits to the dermatologist… maintaining our appearance is a lot of work!

But what if the one thing we needed to enhance our beauty to its utmost was absolutely free? What if it was something we already possess? Right here, right now.

Because it absolutely is.

Outer beauty is a reflection of our inner experience.

At the tail end of my marriage, I remember looking through photos from my father’s surprise birthday party and noticing for the first time what seemed to be a permanent frown on my face. You know…  those candid shots where people catch you off-guard? When you’re relaxed, not “putting” on a smile? Just being you?

Yeah… that’s when it really hit. That’s when I witnessed that the misery I’d be experiencing inside was starting to show up on the outside.

Up until this point, I thought I’d been doing a pretty good job of hiding how I felt. But I was wrong. My deep unhappiness was written all over my face.

Staring at the photos that day was my ah ha moment. That was when I realized things had to change. And as soon we decided to set each other free and part ways, you better believe that frown turned upside down.

No doubt outer beauty is either magnified or diminished depending on what’s going on inside of us.

And what is the magic ingredient for magnifying our inner beauty, which then translates to our outer beauty?

One word: Joy.

And how do we find that joy and inner radiance?

By being true to ourselves. By being authentic. By going after what it is we want in life. And never apologizing for who we are but rather embracing every part of us. The good, the bad, and the ugly.  Realizing that to be human, is to be imperfect.

The funny thing is, once we stop covering up or hiding the things we feel are imperfect, that’s when our true beauty starts to shine. Because true beauty is all about just being YOU. The wonderful, fabulous, imperfect being that you are.

If you take a moment, you’ll notice who around you is in touch with their inner joy. It can be seen in the sparkle of  someone’s eyes. The lift in their step. The glow of their skin that no amount of makeup or creme could ever replicate.

These are the people we feel drawn to. No matter the measure of physical attributes, it’s that je ne sais quoi that sparks our interest when we meet someone. It’s intangible yet undeniably powerful.

That is the type of beauty that never fades. It’s timeless and readily accessible at any time.

No one and no thing can give us lasting joy. We have to create it for ourselves. Then, once we find it, find what makes us tick, we can share that joy with others.

For the more joy we have, the more beauty we exude on all levels of our life. Which creates more beautiful things in and around us that makes life worth living.

So how about you? How do you define beauty? When do you feel your MOST beautiful? What brings you joy? What turns you on inside and brings you to LIFE?

Today’s blog is part of August McLaughlin’s Beauty of a Woman Blogfest
(#BOAW3) to which I’m a proud contributor for the third year in a row!
Head on over between now and March 2nd to read the other submissions
and for a chance to win a prize!

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