My Dad and I in Mexico City
For years I dimmed my light for others and did my best to blend in.
My parents were highly esteemed ballet masters in our town and I never wanted anyone to think I had a “big head” because of it.
They were always very sensitive to this fact and treated me no different from anyone else. But in high school, I got cast in the leading roles of our ballets. Not because I was their daughter but because I was capable of doing the parts.
And when I began modeling at age 13, that started a whole new chapter in my light-dimming years. Mind you, modeling was nothing I ever pursued. It came to me in a very natural way and my parents were encouraging so I went for it. But the moment I felt a friend show the slightest bit of jealousy I’d downplay my job.
I was afraid of shining too bright and garnering too much attention. I never wanted anyone to be in my shadow so I consciously began dimming my light more and more. Little did I know that this decision would haunt me for years to come.
By the time I made it to college, I’d already reduced the wattage of my light so much, that I could no longer see who I was. Thus began my quest to recover my buried light.
I flip-flopped majors from nursing to English to finally, journalism. I fell in love with journalism and when I went to London to study, my light began emerging from its prolonged dormancy.
I’d found a purpose.
Since then it has been quite a process in rediscovering that light. I’ve worked long and hard on changing those limiting thought patterns I’d created in my mind and have finally broken through the bondage of self-imposed smallness.
I am convinced that we are here on this earth to shine our light.
Our light is our love.
Our light is our gift.
Our light is our purpose
And I feel, just as Williamson says, our light scares us more than our darkness. In our darkness we can retreat, isolate, and be safe from the world. By shining our light we risk being ridiculed, shunned, and disliked… but that’s just what goes with the territory.
We’re never going to please everybody.
Those who are threatened by their own light will be the ones to criticize and attack. But they are the ones we MUST shine our light for. They are the ones who need it the most.
While we allow our light to shine, we unconsciously give permission for others to do the same. When we liberate ourselves from our own fears, simply our presence may liberate others. ~Marianne Williamson
So has this ever happened to you? Has a person or situation ever caused you to dim your light?
I can relate to this. Story of my life.
Take comfort in knowing you’re not alone 🙂
I felt as if I were reading my very own childhood! I too was a ballet dancer growing up. Though my parents were not the Masters, I was highly favored for natural talent and commitment as a dancer. By the time I was 12, I was on covers of newspapers, had 2 TV appearances, and landed countless auditions. But my early success did not sit well with friendships. I also got into modeling and sustained academic excellence throughtout the years but everytime I noticed it “shined” a different perception to friends I would downplay things to fit in. I went through life the exact same way as you explained…only to find myself lost in college, juggling different majors etc. I have found passion in PR and my light can no longer be dim. I am pleased to know there is another young woman who struggled to accept herself and take pride in her gifts. I’m sure we have alot in common:-) Thanks for posting this
Absolutely! Oh I love that you’ve found your light with PR! That was my minor in college:) Spooky how we have the same story but also very comforting 🙂
Love this. I ignored my light for almost 10 years. I am now actively on the search for opportunities for my light to shine 🙂
Yay!!! Love it 🙂 And what a gorgeous light you shine 😉
Wow, this is so beautiful! I’ve definitely been guilty of being a critical voice, and you’re so, so right….Thank you for shining your light 🙂
You’re welcome 🙂
Your words ring true, Ingrid. As you stated, we are here to shine our light! Awesome pic!
Thank you George! Cool isn’t it.
It is!
There was a time when I felt like I could do no wrong. Doors opened. What seems strange now is I never knew what I did during those years to create such light…and then like someone blew out a match, it was over. I assumed it was age that caught up with me…or maybe just the muse died. Sometimes I think back on those years and wonder how they escaped without a trace. Great post. Once more you make me think about those things that once plagued…and also what remains in its place.
Lovely Annie. I think it does have to do with age. As children we’re so in tune with our light that it’s second nature. We radiate all the time. But then LIFE happens and we have to actually work on removing what blocks our light. But what’s nice to know is the light never goes away. It’s always there waiting to shine 🙂
I’ve definitely dimmed my light in the past. I was embarrassed of my modeling career at first, but out of insecurity… I thought people would think, “THAT ugly girl? A model?!” I also figured they’d deem me vain. So I said I was babysitting until my pic showed up on the cover of a Target flyer in the Sunday paper—all dolled up like a woman who just rolled out of bed. LOL (Pajamas…odd ones.)
It takes growth, maturity and the will to move forward, I believe, to realize that the light has always been inside us. Thanks for another dose of inspiration, Ingrid!
You’re welcome August 🙂 I did those dolled up pajama ads too! Like the women in movies who wakeup in full makeup. How is this remotely like reality?! 😉
Can’t believe you ever thought yourself ugly but I get it. We’ve all had our “thing” that we’ve had to overcome. And luckily you overcame yours with brilliance 🙂 Keep on shinin’ girl 🙂
Ingrid, this post really resonated with me. I went through a similar change where I became less comfortable putting myself out there, only I did it in college, and since then have been trying to get some of my younger spiritedness back. I wish I’d read this post before I met you at DFW Con. cause I’d love to chat about this. I’m always interested in how individuals start making new habits and creating happiness in their lives again. (Hence my blog name!)
I wish you all the luck while you’re transitioning and planning this new career move, and eventual MOVE move too! Keep us posted!
Thank you Jess! We’ll get to chat in the morning though right!? SO great meeting you 🙂 And best wishes for getting back to your youthful spirit!
Let is shine, Ingrid. We owe to ourselves to be all we can be. It took me a long time to learn that. But I’m still in the process of rediscovering my light, as you put it.
Oh my God yes, especially since I started writing a year ago! I think it is mostly jealousy, but I have persevered and am still radiating. They will get used to the beacon or slink away into the darkness just like you so eloquently put it!
My daughter was in ballet and is now on CU’s dance team. Ballet was brutal! I can’t imagine the pressure you were under. I am going to send your link to her!
I found you through Jess’s blog~ 🙂