I recently read an article in Newsweek on Ben Kingsley titled, On the Horror of Being Called ‘Absolutely Suburban’, and was blown away.
In this article, Kingsley, the Oscar-winning actor for his role as Gandhi, admits to having been prideful as a young actor. After finishing a rehearsal for the world-renowned theater director Peter Brook, he awaited his praise and was initially shocked to hear something quite the opposite.
I saw Peter Brook, the great director, advancing slowly across the rehearsal room with a twinkle in his eye. I thought mistakenly that he was about to say, “My dears, that was absolutely wonderful!” I stood up mistakenly waiting for the praise to fill my actor’s begging bowl. He put his hand on my shoulder, looked me in the eye, and said, “Dear Ben, that was absolutely suburban.” There was a long pause after the word “suburban.” And he said, “If we want to watch suburban, we’ll stick our heads over our neighbor’s fence.”
He proceeded to give the actors constructive criticism to which they applied and when they did the play in New York, this particular scene received several rounds of applause.
Perversely, I thank God we were so bad. Without me having to transcend the word “suburban,” I don’t think I would have been able to play the amazing characters I have onscreen.
Peter Brooks was pushing him. Squeezing the brilliance out of Kingsley that he knew was there. Brooks was actually doing him a huge favor. But how many of us would’ve reacted emotionally and been resistant to the idea that we needed improvement? How many of us would’ve let our ego get in the way of revealing the greatness within simply because of pride?
This is where a healthy dose of humility is helpful.
Failure is an event, never a person; an attitude, not an outcome. – Zig Ziglar
I don’t know about you but when I used to think of amazing actors like Ben Kingsley, and other innovators and leaders, I tended to think they were always just that brilliant from the get-go. But now I know better and have come to realize that they are people too. Like you and I. And they were once neophytes making the typical mistakes we all do.
It makes it that much easier to believe that we, too, can realize the greatness within us. That we are not separate from them. Only our thinking makes it so.
So would it be safe to say that those who make it to the top of their fields not only have the skill but perhaps more importantly, are really good at using their failures as feedback instead of defeat?
Failure as Feedback
The teacher I last studied acting with in LA introduced me to this concept which was an especially useful tool in the acting world where rejection and failure is rampant.
She posited the idea that failure is nothing more than feedback. You may be doing every thing right, but it’s not always about you. There are always other outside factors involved.
It gives us the chance to take the ego out of a situation and take a more objective stance. And then take the necessary action to change or improve the situation. Kinda like Edison with his light bulb.
It’s not whether you get knocked down. It’s whether you get up again. – Vince Lombardi
What would we do without failures? We’d be living in a bubble which, as we all know, is not sustainable. It’s bound to pop at some point.
So I want to hear from you! Are you pretty good about listening to criticism and using it constructively? Or do you find it defeats you more than it empowers you? How has failure affected you? Can you find a way to love your failures as much as your success?
Photo courtesy of cbc.ca
I frequently tell people they should be thankful for what they perceive as bad things that happen to them just as they are for obvious blessings. Your theme here sounds similar. Thanks, Ingrid.
It absolutely is 🙂 Thanks David!
Excellent info and advice Ingrid
Thanks Louise 🙂
I still feel guilt at some failures that happened years ago- but constructive criticism I take well as long as I know the person is trying to help me.
Absolutely. The malicious criticism is never welcomed and always self-centered on their part to make themselves feel better.
I absolutely think of failure as feedback. If you can’t learn from a failure, then you won’t learn from success either. i would rather hear why I’m ‘suburban’ than why I’m brilliant. Being brilliant is fabulous, but where can you go from there?
Exactly Tameri! I think as artists we probably embrace this far more than anyone else because we are constantly competing with ourselves and trying to better our work. Also being rejected a lot in the outside world is kinda par for course so we’re already set up for accepting criticism more, I think. We’re always looking for ways to attain our greatness 🙂
Superb advice. If we stop growing, we can never get where we want to in reading.
That’s in writing, not reading. LOL. Sorry. Half-awake.
haha! So true. If we’re not growing we’re dying, that’s for sure.
I always try to think of “failure” as “not THAT way” and “no” as “yes, later.” It’s just the way I’m wired.
That’s awesome Jenny. I had to develop that wiring over time so good you got it naturally 🙂
I learn best from my mistakes…I’m currently sending my first novel out to writing friends for critiques and finally got my first “this chapter didn’t engage me” response back. While it did temporarily feel like a punch to the gut, it then gave me new life.
GREAT post, Ingrid. Perfect timing for me. 🙂
Awesome Tiffany! Glad it helped and good luck with your novel 🙂
Failure as a feedback—such a great concept. If we see it as a positive, there’s no need to fear it. And that fear can SO work against us… I feel like I’m a bit like Teflon when it comes to rejection and harsh feedback—residue from the acting biz, maybe… 😉 But I definitely have those woe-is-me, how-dare-“Simon Cowell”-attack me moments. LOL Next time that happens, I’ll think of this post.
Awesome! I know… the acting biz is great training ground for learning to deal with rejection. And what a great point you make about fear. When we’re trying not to fail, we’re being driven by fear. When we know we’re not perfect and at some point going to make a mistake or two or three, it frees us up to experiment and take risk with our work! Which is vital 🙂
Love the concept of failure as feedback. We should not fear constructive criticism but embrace it. Sometimes squeezing the brilliance out of you feels like squeezing the life out of you! But, before the butterfly effect, the caterpillar.
So true! 🙂 George, you don’t have a blog do you?!
Why yes, Ingrid, I do have a blog!
http://verticaltales.wordpress.com/
In fact, I just borrowed part of my comment from one of your posts for my post yesterday. Please stop by!
Absolutely! I tried looking for yours a while ago but couldn’t find it. Glad I asked 🙂
Hi Ingrid. Well, I’ve failed so much in my life that I feel I can speak with some authority on the matter, and I agree with you that a lot can be learned in failure. I agree also that perseverance is a crux, and that failure can be used constructively. And yet, and yet …
And yet I think it’s a little bit risky to regard failure as a positive, or to conflate failure with success, or to embrace failure as such. The two — success and failure — remain and always will remain neatly divided: failure, like pain, is what we struggle against.
Actually, they coexist. There is no genuine success without failure. That is how anything great is achieved. If everyone can do something and achieve it with no effort and no risk, then it really isn’t worth much. If summiting Mt. Everest was as easy as a walk around the block, then what thrill of victory would that be? It is the very chance that we might fail, that makes anything worth pursuing.
Most people don’t achieve great things in life by doing everything the right way the first time. And, frankly, those who do rarely engender any real respect.
The author of “The Help” was rejected 62 times. If she hadn’t embraced failure and learned to “love it” as part of a growing/learning process, she would have given up…and there would be no Oscar-award-winning film based off an unpublished book from a writer who saw failure and took it as The End.
Failure is an event. It can be a tombstone or a stepping stone. I feel Ingrid’s post is an excellent exploration regarding our relationship with failure. Failure WILL happen, but how will we respond? THIS is where we do have control over our destiny ;).
I apologize. I wasn’t actually meaning to be contrary. I was just trying to contribute to the discussion. And — though I have known plenty to whom success came without real failure and do not believe that the relative ease of their success in any way diminishes the beauty of it, or my admiration for it — I don’t significantly disagree with anything you’ve so articulately written.
My thanks to you all,
Ray
Thanks Ray! And I only felt the need to clarify because nothing upsets me more than someone who gives up because they feel failure is a bad sign. I used to be a very down, depressed person because of my perceived failures but thankfully I came to a point where I realized it was just part of my journey 🙂
I hear you. But failure, like pain, is inevitable right? If we’re doing anything worthwhile in life we’re going to encounter failure at some point. So it really all comes down to how we perceive the failure.
For me, I could sit here and look at my failures thus far in the acting business as negative but at the same time, some other wonderful doors of opportunity have opened for me. So are my failures a positive or a negative? Depends on the perspective.
And when I say “love” it’s synonymous for “acceptance.” Accept our failures so we can move on. Learn from what happened yet move on.
And my guess is if you’ve failed “so much” in your life, that means you’re probably taking great risk and not settling for mediocrity. You’re striving for more 🙂
P.S. Did you see Ben Kingsley in Sexy Beast?
I did and he was riveting!