Happy Fat Tuesday! Laissez les bons temps rouler! Let the debauchery begin.
I LOVE Mardi Gras. My mom grew up in New Orleans and my grandparents lived there all throughout my childhood so I had the wonderful opportunity to spend my spring breaks in N’awlins every year.
For those who may not know, the Mardi Gras season in New Orleans lasts several weeks. There are balls, parades, and parties but all the festivities culminate on Fat Tuesday. It’s the last big blowout before Ash Wednesday and the beginning of Lent. The entire city of New Orleans shuts down and everyone ventures out into the streets, dressed in costume with drink in hand, for one big party.
When I was four I attended my first Mardi Gras parade. Sitting atop my grandpa’s shoulders, arms outstretched and collecting a bucket load of beads, I thought this was the coolest thing ever. Topless women aren’t the only ones racking up beads on Bourbon Street. The paraders have a soft spot in their hearts for kids too 😉
So when I recently reflected on these precious memories, it dawned on me:
Mardi Gras is analogous to monogamous relationships.
How, you say?
Party Time
In the beginning of any new relationship, everything is AWESOME! There’s lots of shiny! You’re engulfed with passion, hanging on to each word they say, every atom in your body feels 100 times its normal size.
You feel like you’re drunk. You can’t think straight. Every moment without them, even taking out the garbage and cleaning the litter box, is a welcome activity because it brings you closer to the hour when you’ll see them next.
You’re seeing life through rose-colored glasses. It’s the honeymoon period. It’s the stage that inspires sonnets, song, and art of all kinds. Even The Seven Wonders of the World like the Taj Mahal. Feelings are high. We’re invincible. It’s like one big party.
Then reality sets in…
The Lenten Season
This is when we realize that, if we want to be in this commitment for the long-haul, there’s going to be sacrifice involved. Compromising schedules, desires, and holidays. In the case of marriage, avoiding temptation and committing to one bed-mate and tube of toothpaste till death do you part. Consulting your other half before major decisions and realizing, you’re not always going to get your way.
In short, it’s not just about you anymore.
This isn’t the funnest part necessarily, but it’s still vitally important. The issues that get worked out here are the meat and potatoes of any relationship. This is the make-or-break-it stage which sets the foundation of union or tears it apart.
But successful navigation through the Party Time and Lenten Season leads to…
A New Life
Babies, bunnies, and eggs galore!
Ever wonder why bunnies abound at Easter time? Well, what are rabbits so good at? Propagating new rabbits. I mean, life.
Yes, babies are often the result of married couples or other committed unions but new life is more than just the literal flesh and blood. Once we make the commitment, whether it be a heart or legal agreement, a new life has begun. And as research shows, a far better one than staying single.
Happy couples benefit from lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol, longer life expectancy, and the comfort and joy of life-time companionship, to name a few.
Click here to read more about the benefits of love and relationships.
Finding the Balance
This is key. Some relationships explode because it’s all party and no substance. Others slowly fizzle out because of the lack of fun and spontaneity. In order to continually reap the rewards of marriage and other committed unions, we must find the balance between work and play. Sacrifice and spontaneity. To keep the love alive.
Each couple has their own unique balance. Some may place more emphasis on play than others.
There is no right or wrong, only that the balance is agreed upon by both parties. This agreement helps create harmony within the relationship which is always a good thing.
So how about you? Have you been guilty of too much Mardi Gras and not enough Lent in your relationship? Or do you need to learn how to lighten up a little and earn some beads? Surely someone out there has mastered the balance… and yes, it does involve chocolate 😉 Care to share your tips on a happy union?
To learn more about Mardi Gras, like why they throw beads or bake babies in king cakes, click here.
Photos courtesy of dreamsunlimitedtravel.com & cajunchefryan.rymocs.com
Ingrid Schaffenburg's Blog 
Ingrid,
I rarely comment on the quality of a blog post. I think this will be the first time. However, sometimes, events compel. This post is a Bramah!
This is a great blog post, an example to us all. Full of humanity, history and example. It simply fizzed off the page, filled with the oxygen and enthusiasm of the writer.
I’d never seen Mardi Gras in the way that you do. It has often seemed to me a rather seedy affair.
Then you add the reflections on life and relationships.
You changed my thinking, excited me, and donner und blitzen, the Sun has just come out in GA. You obviously have magical powers 🙂 LOL!
brendan
Awwww:) Thanks Brendan 🙂 You just made my day! (I’m grinning from ear to ear. hehe.)
I just love Mardi Gras and had such fun writing this post. I’m so new to this whole blogging thing but I’m definitely learning that the key to good blogging is to plug in to what excites you. Or what deeply moves you. So you were right on… the reason it seemed filled with enthusiasm is because it was 🙂 I’m missing out on being with friends and family today in N.O. so what’s the next best thing? Blogging 🙂
Like Brendan, I wouldn’t have thought of Mardi Gras in these terms, but you came up with a beautiful analogy. Long after Mardi Gras and Lent and Resurrection Sunday, or new birth, comes autumn. When a relationship enters autumn, it doesn’t require a lot of partying, and most of the give and take has long since settled into a time of comfortable acceptance of each other’s warts along with the beauty. Believe it or not, autumn is the best time of all.
BTW, you can start the cycle at 35 or 40 or any other age. I was 50 and my wife 49 when we married, and it’s been very good.
That’s beautiful David! Autumn is my favorite time of year… and actually my favorite time in relationships too. When everything is settled and flowing nicely. Love that. Thanks for the reminder 🙂
Fantastic insight, Ingrid. I had no idea Fat Tuesday was so philosophical! LOL I’ve learned, from tough and great experiences, that fulfilling ourselves emotionally first, becoming strong as ‘singles,’ is vital to relationship success. Once they begin, maintaining our individuality is essential.
My parents will soon celebrate their 40th anniversary…and they are in LOVE. They’ve always put their love for each other before us kids. I’m so grateful for that.
I love hearing stories like that! It’s like those couples in When Harry Met Sally. Remember them? So cute together even after 40 some odd years of marriage.
Yes. Maintaining yourself is key. Absolutely! And, in my opinion, a pre-rec before any serious relationship. Believe me, I learned that lesson the hard way 😉
Great story, Ingrid, and quite an ingenious analogy for Mardi Gras, et al! Lent – and love – is not as much about the sacrifice as the engaged process of increasing understanding and discovering paths to deeper unity. Romance is the fun part of love, the rest is what makes life rich.
Grab some beads! 🙂
Agreed. Although coming from someone who has been married, sometimes it feels like sacrifice. But I guess that all depends on your perception of things 🙂 But it ultimately is about understanding and deepening the connection. That’s actually the fun for me.
Thanks George! I’ll take all the beads I can get 🙂
Understood. Sacrifice is not easy but it is bearable if undertaken for the right purposes. That aspect of my comment probably applies more to lent than love, although relationships need to share core values and spiritual understanding. God is the glue.
It goes back to that joy vs happiness outlook. Jesus wasn’t happy about being crucified but he carried the cross with joy because he knew his ultimate purpose (no other gods + spirit of poverty = right attachments; or in management terms, begin with the end in mind and set right priorities).
I’m fascinated by the effect of light on stained glass, turning from charcoal gray to bright pastels. In the mosaic of our lives all of the colors hold some appeal, but the pieces imbued with deep rich hues always seem to be the most vibrant.
Then again, I’m also fascinated by the hops in beer! 🙂
Cheers!
Lol!! You make very good points. Thank you for sharing your deep knowledge on all these topics 🙂 I love the stained glass analogy. I’d never thought of it that way. Thank you!
What a wonderful, lovely blog!!!!
love,
Mom
Thanks Mama! I owe all the richness and beauty of my childhood to you 🙂
Great analogy, Ingrid. I’ve never been to New Orleans but I am married (and if I can get married I’m sure anyone can :)). I think the best thing for sustaining married life is being able to apologize and being able to accept an apology. As with your New Orleans analogy, the good times are easy, the hard times are tough, and they’re the ones that need the most effort.
I’ll bring beads on Saturday!
Cheers
hahahaha! We’ll just have our own pseudo Mardi Gras then. How’s that?! 😉
Yep… forgiveness is key. Thank you for sharing that 🙂
Love your analogy Ingrid – so beautifully written and well said.
I’d say hubby and I definitely have tons of Mardi Gras in our relationship but it’s based on a deep and profound foundation of lent. I think one of the keys for us has been each being honest and authentic with the other about our values and dreams in life. We work together to invest in and build both of our dreams because we know as individuals, we need to be happy and fulfilled so that as a couple, we can thrive in interdependent happiness. Neither can be dependent ON the other for happiness – that comes from within and is our own responsibility but together, we share in happiness and equal moments of lent and Mardi Gras!
Beautifully said Natalie! You just described my perfect relationship. I couldn’t agree more. You must be completely honest and authentic and support one another in your dreams. A husband and wife should be each others’ greatest cheerleader.
Well said Natalie and kudos to you for mastering the balance 🙂 You earned some beads!!
How interesting. I know a little more about Mardi Gras that I didn’t before.
My husband and I are still fairly new to marriage (less than two years), so we probably have more lent than couples who’ve been together longer. One of the things that helps us is focusing on our individual strengths rather than beating each other up over the weaknesses. My husband can’t cook, and he hates to cook. He survived completely on frozen dinners and take-out before I came along. I could get grumpy and demand he learn to cook so that he can make dinner some nights, but instead I choose to look at the fact that I can’t navigate my way out of a wet paper bag yet he’s great with directions and maps. When we go places, I don’t have to worry anymore about getting lost. We balance each other 🙂
I call it turning down your “inner cheerleader.” Balance happens when we listen with intent, with care, with love.
Beautiful Greg! I completely agree 🙂